True Love
by Sweetlie123
Summary: I love him but I just can't do this anymore, he is killing me slowly and painfully. I can't stay with him but I can't leave him either. So what am I doing here if it is that bad?
1. Chapter 1

True Love

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I love him but I just can't do this anymore, he is killing me slowly and painfully. I can't stay with him but I can't leave him either. So what am I doing here if it is that bad?

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I always knew that marrying a multi billionaire will not just be unicorns and rainbows, but never in my life had I thought it will be this hard so as I'm staring at my 5 month old son, my husband is at the other side of the world fucking some whore.

Trying to stay as calm as possible as my life is shattering into pieces isn't as hard as thought it would be, I should of known it would end like this. A innocent girl like me never had a chance at keeping a man like Christian but a girl can dream.

I look down at my flashing phone, Christian is calling me again, I sigh because there is nothing I can do and I know that by now he knows that I know about him and whoever that woman is. I pick my phone up and I hear his shaky voice calling my name but I can't form a word, feeling my tears drop down my face like little diamonds.

"I can't do this anymore" I say and hang up on him, I wonder what he will do and if he will care at all. Christian is my everything but I might not be his, he could be on a plane back here with his mistress and in few hours he could kick my ass out of our house and out of his life forever. In a second he could take Theodore away from me and I wouldn't have a chance, he would grow up with a stranger that he would grow up calling his mother.

Teddy, I stare at him. He's everything I have ever wanted in a baby, he's my little bundle of joy and I couldn't live if he would be taken away from me so I grab him and run to my room.

I rip my wardrobe's door open and pick the suitcase which I throw on the bed and grab my clothes quickly, I fold them to save some space and put them in the suitcase I also run to my husband drawer that is at the other side of the room and grab some money which I will use to get out of country.

I can't believe that I am running away.

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Sorry it's short but I the longer the chapters I have to write the longer it takes so I hope you people will like it.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

_Thank you so much for reading and most of your reviews were absolutely awesome also if you don't like the story don't fucking read it and stop moaning about it. I'm not making one of you read it, it's your choice._

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"No," I whisper to myself as I'm about to run away from my life taking my child with me so I turn around walking back to my room. I put all of the things back to where they were and take Teddy back to his room.

I will not be the woman that cries because her husband is out fucking someone that isn't her, I will get back at him just to show him how much he hurt me but I will not cry in front of him. I will not show him that I'm weak and that he broke my heart into million pieces.

So when I tuck Teddy in his crib I go back to my room taking baby monitor with me in case something happens and he wakes up, I climb in the huge cold bed and wait for my cheating husband to storm in any minute now.

It's a wonder I haven't woken up Sawyer or Gail by now, maybe they actually want me to run away and take Teddy away from this life. The sun will soon be coming up again and a new day will start, I only have to hope that it will be better than yesterday.

I close my eyes and try to sleep but after it seems like hours I was still awake and the door opened, I hear rushed steps as they get louder and the door to the bedroom opens. I keep my eyes closed and I hear a sigh, no doubt that it's my husband who is standing there. The door closes but the person is still in the room, I open one eye and take a look at my husband who is standing there just staring at me.

"Ana?" He says, it sound more like a question but I open both of my eyes and stare back at him. My heart is beating fast and it feels like it's stuck in my throat, I want to scream at him or shout but when I open my mouth I let out a breath and tears start flowing down my cheeks.

Christian walks towards me, "Don't." I beg and thankfully he stops.

"Just let me explain, please." He says and I shake my head, who does he think he is. Explain what to me? He better know that I don't want to listen to him.

"Do what?" I say like I misunderstood him, "Explain exactly what?"

He stands there looking at me silently like he's unsure of what to tell me, of how to make it right and his mouth opens, "I think I love her."

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Thanks for reading.

My twitter is Dem567, follow me for update dates or just chat to me. If you seen my old twitter name in other stories don't follow it as I can't log into it!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

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I think I love her... And my whole world stopped, I can't form a word and right now I'm not mad at him, I don't even want to leave him and make him. I feel hurt now and I feel betrayed, just sex was one thing but now he tells me he loves her and I'm dying inside.

"Oh." Yeah, Ana, say something else just an 'oh' won't fix anything. Beg him to keep you, beg bitch, a voice inside my head says.

"I'm sorry baby, I love you. I do but she's something, she lit up something inside me." He says and crushes my heart even more.

"Why are you still talking?" I ask him, my eyes wide full with tears.

"I just want to explain it to you, you deserve an explanation." He says, he looks at me like I'm a wounded animal and I just don't understand.

"You cheated on me. You had sex with another person and I'm still the poor innocent virgin Ana that loved her husband and only had sex with you." I shout, "I can't believe this." I grab my hair and pull it.

"Ana." His voice breaks down and I think that he will start crying, "Her name is Rebecca, she is gorgeous. You probably don't want to hear it but she tried to keep away from me when I told her that I'm married and have a baby."

"Stop." I whimper, telling me about his lover is not a good idea right now.

"Just hear me out, please." He begs with his eyes and I nod, "I don't want a divorce, Ana. I don't want to leave her either but I have to choose one of you because I can't have both of you."

"So you want me to be your wife and her to be your girlfriend, are you crazy you son of a bitch?" I screamed, I probably woke the security up but I don't care right now.

"No, she wouldn't be my girlfriend Ana." He says slowly, "I want to marry her."

"You can't do this to me, you can't. Oh my god,Christian." I knew that loving him would be toxic, I knew that a girl like me wouldn't keep a man like him forever.

"I love her, I can't just leave her. She doesn't have anyone, you don't understand it. She's all alone and you will have my family and your family but she would be all on her own." He tries to explain his reasons to me, do I look like a fucking give a shit about her.

"I will fucking kill you Christian." I scream and jump from the bed attacking him with my fists as I punch his chest and I feel being dragged away from his as he just stands still like a statue.

"Mrs Grey, calm down or I will have to remove you from here." It's Taylor, I know it is so when he releases his hold I turn around and slap him as hard as I can.

"You knew." I spat, "Of course you knew, you go everywhere with him. You might as well be cheating on Gail too while he's fucking some whore across the country, you might be doing the same thing."

"Please calm down." Christian says, looking carefully at me and Taylor.

"No Christian. You calm the fuck down, I can't even look at you." My heart aches.

"This doesn't have to end like this. You don't even have to act like this." What does he expect, does he want me to throw a party? "You should just get some sleep and we can talk about it in the morning."

"I'm taking Teddy and I'm going to Kate's house, I will not stay here. You should probably bring Rebecca, you can have this house and create your own family as the old one doesn't matter to you and you can just throw it out like nothing." I say, I say Rebecca's name like poison and with that I walk out of his life with Teddy in my hands.

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_Thankyou for reading this chapter. It will be the last one this week and I might not update till next week as I have other stories too. thank you for all of the reviews they are awesome._

Follow me on twitter- Dem567 -I just created it as my old one broke somehow and I can't log in.


	4. Chapter 4

_** Chapter 4**_

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_Hey, thank you for all of the kind reviews please log in if you want to get a reply as I don't want to answer the questions on here. You can also follow me on twitter and ask me questions there. Don't follow my old one as I can't log in and I just created a new one- Dem567. I wanted to say that Ana got pregnant after few years after getting married no straight away like in the books. Thanks for reading._

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Life is never easy and it will never be, people care about how much money you have or if you're going through a hard time. All they wanted is to suck on my energy as a cheating husband and a five month baby wasn't enough, even after nearly six months I still get asked about my now ex husband.

Although the betrayal doesn't hurt as much as it did at first, my heart still squeezes painfully when I hear his name. The first months were honestly the worst, with the divorce going on and seeing Rebecca with him around the places where we used to go, her kissing him just like I used to and her touching him. The little comments he makes about her kills me, the fact that he doesn't even care that I'm around while he calls her all the cute pet names.

My nine month old baby gurgles at me and I smile picking him, "Mommy's working." I kiss his reddish cheek and he laughs. I started my own business two months after the divorce to get on my own feet, I didn't want any of Christian's money and the money that he does give goes straight to Teddy's bank account for when he's older.

"Ma-ma-ma." He says and keeps shifting in my hands and I look at him sadly.

"Shh." I whisper, being a divorced mum isn't easy especially when the ex husband's whore doesn't like children which means Christian is never here for me when I need him and with my business I feel like I could fall asleep any minute.

I pick my phone up and dial the number that I know by heart and wait for Christian to answer; the beeps go on and on and still no answer. After three tries I give up and put the phone down knowing it will be no help. I pick Teddy up and take him to my room, I lay with him on my double bed that isn't as comfortable as the one in my house, I almost laugh and few tears flow down my cheeks, _not your house anymore doll_, a voice in my head snaps.

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"_Hey baby." I whisper to Christian, while holding Teddy in my hand. I miss him so much it hurts._

"_Ana?" He sounds surprised and I feel like I don't know something._

"_I wanted to hear your voice." I say, trying not to break. He's been to business meetings for nearly every day for a month now and it's like I don't see him anymore._

"_I'm busy." He almost moans, pants can be heard and I take a deep breath. I'm hearing things, I know I am._

"_I can't talk now." He says and I hear a woman saying something that sounds like 'Tell her you're busy.'_

_My heart is breaking, he's with someone. I'm such an idiot and suddenly I can't breathe. I feel sick to my stomach and suddenly everything hurts. I hang up and pray that he comes back to me. It might be a one time thing, maybe he's not even doing what I think he is. I'm tired and sleepy, Christian wouldn't do that to me. _

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**_Nothing really happened but I had to put the time jump somewhere and I feel like I didn't do a great job. Anyways next chapter will have more going on. _**

**_Twitter- Dem567_**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

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I always thought that opening book publishing business is easy, unlike other businesses; people in book publishing are more supportive, helpful and friendly. Every single book is unique, every single book tells their own story and every author is different with the way they write.

Less competition to be worried about and we publishers don't have to worry about other books as every book is so different, if we don't get one published then we sure do get another one that is better than the one we have lost. This is what I love about publishing business.

Even though I didn't ask for money from Christian and didn't want to half everything, of course I was given more than enough money and Teddy still get's money, probably to lessen Christian's guilt of not seeing his child as often as he should. Well, it's not my fault that now when he's with Rebecca he's missing his most important months with Teddy, his lost is my gain.

I left Teddy with his Grace and Carrick today, I know they miss seeing him and I need some time with myself and I finally feel okay with being alone. I don't need to pretend that Christian is still with me to make myself feel fine, I feel free. Free as a bird and knowing that no one will be there to stop me from being myself is a relief.

So, I go to a bar on my own which is my first mistake and I order wine, "Can I have a glass of Merlot & Pinot Nair." I ask a bartender and he nods, he puts the glass in front of me and I pick it up and flinch at the taste. Oh how I miss the good wine, even if this isn't as horrible as the ones I buy at the store it still isn't as good as Christians wine collection.

Christian...Christian...Christian, all I think is of him and I don't need to this to myself. He doesn't deserve me. I gave him all of me, my heart and my soul and he repays me by cheating on me with some whore and then leaving my ass. He probably doesn't have any idea how much he hurt me and I should just cheated on him with his hot staff. I mean the security were probably the sexiest men in the Seattle; I might even call him and ask him where he gets them because I need one to take my mind off things.

After I finish the glass, I order another one and after a while I just order stronger drinks. I find myself staring at a man who is sitting on his own few seats away from me, I stand up and I suddenly feel very wobbly, I let out a drunken giggle and the mystery man turns his head to look at me and my breath is taken.

His brown almost black eyes are wide and his pale pink lips are slightly open, I feel my stomach tightening and the familiar feeling coming back again but not towards Christian. I never knew I could feel this way towards someone that isn't him and now I feel a similar connection to another man and I almost hooray, that I'm not broken and that Christian didn't break me.

The man stands up and walks towards me, "You should sit down." He tells me with a heavy accent and I smile to him, a seductive smile I hope.

"And I think you should sit down with me." I say and blush slightly, his cologne smells like sex, like hard midnight sex.

"I sure will, miss?" He sits down after sitting me down on the stool, his hands are strong and I wonder other things that they can do to me.

"Miss Steele." I let out my voice as a breath, "Ana Steele."

"Nice to meet you Ana, Elijah Varriano." He tells me, his voice sounds like sex and he gives me his hand to shake. His hand is twice bigger than mine but it still fits perfectly as he shakes it and surprisingly kisses it too and I just can't hide my smile, maybe things won't be too bad from now on.

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Follow me on twitter- Dem567


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

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My head is pounding, who made me drink so much yesterday? I don't even feel like opening my eyes, I bet the light is so bright my eyes will fall out. I bet Christian had to take me home, not exactly Christian but one of his men.

I hope it was Sawyer, knowing him he would be somewhere in the house with Teddy. Teddy, I jump on to the floor. Grace has a job too, she was supposed to bring him here early in the morning. I take a look at the clock, its noon already.

I carefully walk down the stairs; I swear my head is still spinning from all the drinks in my organism. I can hear a familiar laugh and I'm sure Teddy is home, so if Teddy is here it means Sawyer is here looking after him too. A stone rolls off my hearts and I let out a breath of relief.

I get to the living room and Teddy is sitting on his carpet where his toys are, he has a little blue car in his hand and is looking at someone with fascination.

"Teddy?" I make a funny voice and he laughs again, he stares at me and his eyes wonder at something else.

"Ana?" Someone says behind me and I turn around, I see a gorgeous man standing, who the hell is he? Not that I mind that there is someone this attractive man near me, my stomach starts to ache and I feel a familiar feeling once again. Does this man work for Christian?

"Do I know you?" I ask him, he sure does like he knows my name. How can Christian let a stranger in my house without even telling me?

"Umm, we met at the bar yesterday." I took a man home, where my kid lives, putting him in danger and the first thing I do is blame Christian for everything bad that happens in my life.

"I took you here?" I ask again, he must think I'm crazy now. Why do I ask so many questions? I should just tear his clothes and fuck him right here. God, I should calm the fuck down, my son is staring at us with his innocent eyes and I want to have sex with a stranger right here.

"No, I took you here. You kind of turned off and I found your address in your wallet and took you back, from the way you talked I thought you had a husband but no one was here so I stayed with you, I slept on the sofa. I hope that was okay." He tells me, I stare at his brown eyes and a smirk form on his lips, "I'm Elijah."

"And you already know that my name is Ana." I purred, stop that I tell myself, I shouldn't try to seduce a man I don't know. He could be dangerous.

"You also have another man in the house and a baby; I didn't want to leave you with him. I know I'm a stranger but I didn't really know if he actually knows you." He confesses and I smile, blushing a little.

"Where is he?" I question, I really do hope its Sawyer. I miss that man so much.

"In the kitchen I think, I was just talking to him."

"Could you just look after Teddy for few seconds, I want to look at the mysterious man in my kitchen." I tell him and walk towards the kitchen, my kitchen is nothing like the kitchen in my old house. It's a lot smaller and lighter, I love big windows. I turn to the kitchen and see Sawyer sitting on the chair with a cup of coffee in front of him.

"Mrs Grey." He nods his head and smiles, then stands up and I hug him.

"Miss Steele." I correct him and he pokes me with his finger playfully, "What are you doing here? You don't work for me anymore." I ask, he never worked for me anyways. He worked for Christian otherwise he would still be with me. I wonder if I could persuade him to work for me.

"Mr Grey's mother asked me to take Teddy home as she had an emergency at work. I got here and Elijah opened the door, I decided to stay and he wouldn't leave." Oh Sawyer, always looking after me.

"You probably told Christian about him being here." I guess and he shakes his head, I'm so thankful I could kiss him right now. I don't need Christian to start analysing if I'm appropriate mother to Theodore.

"I also wanted to talk to you about something." He begins and I nod as telling him to continue, "I want to quit working for Mr Grey." He says and my eyes widen in surprise.

"You can do whatever you want Sawyer, you don't work for me." I tell him but it would make me better to know that Christian lost something good too.

"I want to work for you." Sawyer confesses.

"I would love nothing more than for you to work for me but I don't have the amount of money to pay as Christian does. Your pay check would be a lot less." I point out.

"I don't care about the money; Grey left you on your own. It's like he's another person, he rarely comes to see Teddy. He loves that boy more than anything."

"People can change; you should know that by now." I say, Christian is an unexplainable character, you can never know what his next step will be.

"Not the way they feel about their child." I totally agree with this, five points to Sawyer, nothing and no one could change the way I feel about my son.

"You know I would welcome you with my arms wide open. I don't want you to rush though, think about it. Is it worth it?" I ask, stop doing that. I scold myself. I want Sawyer to work for me, why am I pushing him away.

"I don't need to think about it, I know what I want. You need looking after too, so does Mr Teddy. You never know what kind of danger you could get into." He says with a knowing smile.

"I'm not a danger magnet." I stare at him playfully, "Well welcome, I hope you will have fun working for me."

"I always have fun with you, you know that." He smirks and I laugh.

"You call Christian though; I will not be the one to tell him that you left him for me." I joke.

"Of course, Miss Steele." He says professionally, what happened to him?

"Ana." I correct him, "I missed you Sawyer."

"I missed you too, Ana." He tells me softly, "By the way, you have a good taste. Elijah is..." He wiggles his eyebrows at me and I laugh. We look at each other and head back to Teddy and Elijah, he could be good for and I only hope that my bundle of joy didn't scare him away. Everything is better and better but I feel a storm is on its way and it will shake all of us.

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	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

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It's raining outside and I locked myself in the office once again, I have so much work to do and not a lot of time to finish it. Who said that having your own business is easy, I should of just worked for some company but no, wanting to shove my success into my husband's I had to do it the hard way maybe I could of been successful in something else, like not scaring attractive men away .

I'm nearly done with my paper work but I still need to go through the emails, maybe I could do it at home and also spend some time with Teddy. Today was his first day with the nanny and I'm not sure if he was okay with her or if he even liked her.

I look through my emails and I see a surprising email from Christian, he never contacts me directly anymore he always does it through his family. I open the email and read it carefully.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Teddy

Date: September 2 2015 17.43

To: Anastasia Steele

I hope you would let me and Rebecca have Teddy for few days next week, I want them to officially meet.

Christian Grey, CEO and President of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

_I want them to meet officially, who the fuck is he kidding?_ That woman is so anti-Teddy that I don't want her near him at any time especially on her own. I might just be jealous or scared what if Teddy loves her more than me? What if he will want to live with his father and Rebecca? I can't stop Christian from seeing his son, they don't see each other enough and if I will stop it he will only see him on special occasions.

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Teddy

Date: September 2 2015 18.15

To: Christian Grey

You can take him this weekend if you would like, you should pick him up on Friday evening and bring him back on Sunday.

Anastasia Steele

So I probably have the whole weekend off, I might as well use the number that Elijah left me and ask him to go to a date. He hasn't called so maybe I should do it for him, I should at least try the worst thing he can do is say no.

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Teddy

Date: September 2 2015 18.20

To: Anastasia Steele

I will make sure that Taylor picks him up as Sawyer told me that he QUITS.

Christian Grey, CEO and President of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

Capital letters? Who the hell does he think he is? I'm not his wife, I'm not his girlfriend and I'm not even his friend he doesn't have a right to ask me questions. I decide that I shouldn't answer and I take a small note from my wallet and dial the number, I wait for the answer patiently or not so patiently.

"Hello?" I hear his sweet voice, the things that it does to me and I don't even need to see him and he awakes something inside me.

"Hi, it's Ana." I say hoping he will remember me after few seconds of silence I say, "The one from the bar."

"I remember you, sorry, I'm at work right now." He says and he sound a little out of breath. I hear chopping in the background.

"If you're busy, I can call you back." I tell him, I really shouldn't be disturbing him right now.

"No, no." He says hurriedly, "I was meaning to call you and ask you on a date but I didn't have time. It's a busy season." He carries on.

"Well I hope you would take me out on Friday, or I would take you out because I'm the one asking." I laugh awkwardly.

"I will take you out, what time do you want me to pick you up?" he asks me and for a second I forget that he knows where I live.

"About eight, Christian should pick Teddy up and after that we can go." I tell him, I don't know if I'm supposed to mention my ex-husband or stay away from the topic, I mean I never done it. I'm so innocent, well not innocent but let's say that I don't really know what to do in situations like this.

"That's fine with me." I say, "Bye."

"I will see you on Friday then." He tells me and hangs up.

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	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

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_This chapter was going on for forever and I still wanted to write more but decided to split it in half. Hope you will still like it, its 00:15 so sorry for the mistakes and I would actually would love to find a Beta that would help me to write the chapters and fix them up, so if you're interested PM me and we could become partners.! Haha. Have fun reading this chapter! BYE._

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Taylor picked Teddy up a little before eight; he made a small chat and tried to lighten the mood. I don't really know how to talk to him, after divorce I never really tried to communicate to any of Christian's staff, well they were my staff and I kind of hoped they would stand up for me or at least visit once in a while.

Taylor tells me that Gail misses the help in the kitchen and the atmosphere in the house changed when I left, nothing is the same. Apparently Rebecca and Christian are looking for a small house that they could call 'theirs'.

I look at the cheap wine in my glass and take a sip of it, Elijah should be here any minute and I'm drowning myself in sorrows. It's six months and I'm still being depressed about the same thing, I should just get over it. I got an amazingly hot man taking me out on dinner and maybe we could become something. He could heal me; I know that, he could be my saviour.

There's a knock on my door and I look in the mirror, my red dress is not long but isn't short and slutty, it has a classic look and I have to admit it looks amazing on me. The black heels look great too; I don't even remember the last I wore high heels like that. I open the door once I decide that I look presentable and don't change my mind and cancel the date.

Elijah looks delicious, he has a black suit on and a red t-shirt underneath, 2 buttons are undone and I can already imagine what's underneath.

"You're gorgeous." He blurts out and looks apologetic.

"It's okay, you look handsome. Suits look deliciously good on you." I compliment him and I'm about to slap myself, _deliciously good, _couldn't I say something that would make me look like I'm actually a normal person? I blush and look down.

"Thanks." He smiles at me showing her perfect white teeth.

"Should we go?" I ask him, he nods and grabs my hand pulling me through the door. I lock it quickly and go to his car, it's a black range rover and I feel myself falling in love with the black car that looks just as good as it's owner.

"Nice car." I wink, Elijah opens the door and I climb in he then closes the door and walks to his side.

"If you will be good, I might even let you drive back." He tells me and I feel the excitement flow through my veins.

"Really?" I ask in disbelief, he wouldn't just let some stranger drive his car?

"Of course, why not?"

I shrug my shoulders and look at the road, we drive for about 20 minutes and make a small chat about not important topics trying to keep the conversation light. We stop at a restaurant called VARRIANO, the black bricks stand out with the white lights that are around the windows .

"We're here." He exclaims, climbs out and I'm about to open my door when he beats me, "I open the door. Wait." He says and walks to my side.

"Thank you." I say and kiss his cheek. I hope I'm not too forward about this whole thing.

We walk into the elegant restaurant, the walls are bloody red and the floor is light gold, there's a candle on every table and every table is full. I wonder where we will sit.

"Come on." He grabs my hand and leads the way to an empty corner, "It's private." He says to me smiling.

"This is a nice, how did you find it?" I ask him and he looks at me strangely like he's unsure of what he's supposed to tell me.

"It's mine actually." He tells me and I'm shocked, "Varriano." He says like it's obvious and I don't remember him telling me his last name, "I told you the first time we met, at the bar... and you were too drunk to remember it."

I can't believe that he has a restaurant, he looks like a police man to me or a lawyer, he could even be a very hot nurse.

"I'm shocked; you don't look like someone who owns a restaurant." He looks at me kind of hurt, "In a good way though." I quickly say.

"I'm not just a restaurant owner, I work here too. I was a chef and then decided to try and open a restaurant of my own."

"You cook too?" I give Elijah a flirtatious smile; I could use a cook around the house. I find myself ordering food often now and it isn't a healthy diet.

He nods at me blushing and he looks adorable, his black hair is short and messy and I would love to run my hand over it. I open the menu and he does the same after few minutes a waitress comes and takes our order. I was hoping that she would actually act respectably, it's her boss for goodness sake and she looks at him with her green eyes and a sexy smile.

"I got us some champagne, I hope its okay." I nod and smile, "You went quiet, is everything okay?" He asks and I nod, he just told me that I went quiet and even now I don't open my mouth.

"Umm, yes. Sorry, I was just thinking about Teddy." I lie, this isn't a way to start a relationship or a friendship.

"Teddy is a handsome little man." He compliments my son, "How old is he?" He asks.

"He will be one next month, can't wait for him to start walking and talking." Should I even be saying this?

"I always wanted a son but my ex wife didn't have time or that's what she told me because she's having her second child with her new husband." So Elijah is opening up a little, maybe I should do the same. I didn't even ask and he's telling me that he's divorced and likes kids.

"I'm sorry." I tell him, "That it didn't work out. I know that it hurts and you don't look someone that would end it." I say sincerely, trying to comfort him.

"It did but it's been three years and I honestly don't miss it, it was toxic." I feel sorry for him, what if it took him three years to get over it? What if it will take me three years to get over it? "What about you?" He asks me and I look at him confused, "Were you married?"

"Yes, me and my husband had a divorce about five months ago." I gulped, "I don't really know what to say, this is my first date after the divorce." I admit,"It's all very foreign to me."

He puts his hand over mine as to comfort me, the waitress brings us our dishes and I look into his brown eyes and smile. We both say thank you and she pours us both a glass of wine, "You can leave the bottle."

"This is really good." I say, tasting the chicken on my plate.

"Well we try out best."

After we finish our meal we talk about ourselves, trying to learn as much as we can over a small period of time. I look at the time ant it's eleven already, it feels like I just got out of the house and sat in his car.

"Should I take you home?" Elijah asks.

"Yes please, do you want to meet up tomorrow for breakfast? I have the weekend off and I would love to spend some more time with you."

"Of course, I would love that." He stands up and then helps me up, we walk out and I realise he hasn't paid.

"You didn't pay." I remind him.

"It's my restaurant, I don't have to pay." He laughs, "I'm joking, I will do it tomorrow. It will still go to my pay check." Elijah opens the door for me and I sit into the beauty again, he then climbs in and we ride in comfortable silence.

"I had a great time with you."

"So did I." The words roll out of his tongue sweetly, we stop in front of the house and I look at him. I really don't want this night to end.

"Do you want to come in? We could have some wine." Please say yes, please do.

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude." Of course I'm sure, I want to scream.

"I'm hundred percent sure." I tell him enthusiastically and give a bright smile.

I climb out of his car and he does the same, he then walks over to me and grabs my hand, "I told you that I do the door opening." He playfully scolds me and I laugh.

"Sorry Mr. Varriano." I pout, I unlock the door and we both walk in. I turn around and see him looking around the room.

"You've got a nice house." He compliments and I walk closer to him, he's like few centimetres away from my face and I wonder if I will do the right thing by kissing him.

"You can kiss me." He says, giving me permission and I give in.

* * *

**With the school season starting soon again,the updates won't come as quickly. Follow me on twitter to know when the updates will be as I won't go on FF, for some reason my phone don't like it. I will answer the reviews from the last two chapters soon. **

**Twitter- Dem567**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Chapter 9_**

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After a bottle or two and few stolen kisses I feel myself more and more free, Elijah is an amazing kisser and would be an amazing lover. He's gentle, caring, loving and a gentleman. What else could I want from a man; I don't need to settle down with him but I need him to heal me. I want him to make me feel like a woman again, even if it's just for tonight.

I lean and kiss him, his mouth open and he deepens the kiss. I can taste the wine on his tongue and I love it, he tastes unique like nothing I have ever felt. He pushes me on my back and laid me carefully on the couch, he kisses my neck and I arch in desire grabbing his face and pulling it back to my lips.

He's kissing me again and I start unbutton his shirt without breaking the kiss, I get the shirt off and touch his chest, I'm afraid that he will flinch at my touch. I'm scared that he will move away from me or tell me to stop but he welcomes my touch and I break the kiss and smile at him.

"Where's your bedroom?" Elijah asks me out of breath.

"Upstairs, first door on the right." I tell him and he picks me up, I let a squeal out and he kisses my cheek. He carries me upstairs and opens the door to my bedroom, revealing the cream walls and dark brown carpet. He puts me on the bed and hovers over me, leaning down to kiss my neck as he playfully nibbles on the skin. I let a moan out and he moves his way down, "Sit up." I do as he told me and pulls the zipper down and then pulls my dress off me. When it's off of me, I almost feel shy laying underneath him in just panties and bra.

"You're beautiful."He breathes into my stomach and places a gentle kiss, he hooks his finger and pulls my panties of too my knees and I kick them off. He ran his hands through my waist and places a kiss on my thigh, I let out a moan when he slips his finger inside my heat.

Elijah licks his lips as he moves his finger in and out and then adds another one, my breath coming in short gasps as I try to get him go deeper in. Elijah quickens his pace and then suddenly pulls out his magical fingers and I moan at the lost of contact, he changes his fingers with his mouth and places a kiss on my vagina, he's kissing and licking me, then he takes my clit in his mouth and sucks hard.

The pleasure built up, my vibrator for the past months has nothing on his mouth and fingers. If he can do that to me without inserting his cock inside me, I wonder what will happen when he finally will.

"Oh-oh-oh." I moan and shiver, my muscles tighten and I think everything goes black for a second.

"Oh god." I moan as I ride out my orgasm. Elijah climbs off me and pulls his pants and boxers off revealing his pink member. I gaze at his erection and sit up, he's already so hard but as I still take it in my mouth, sucking and taking it deep in my mouth. Elijah closes his eyes and moans in pleasure, his breath quickens as I bite softly, grazing my teeth and kissing his balls.

Elijah grabs my hair and pulls on it as a warm liquid shoots out and down my throat, I swallow it greedily.

"You're amazing; your husband is an idiot." He moans out and I smile kissing him. This isn't as bad as I thought it would be, I never thought that this would be so easy with another man.

"Are you sure?" He asks me, I know he's asking about me having sex with him. Boy, I'm sure. "I need a condom." He tells me and I open the drawer of my table that is beside my bed and take a condom out, I open the wrapper and slide on his length that got hard again.

I kiss him and give him the permission that we were both waiting for. I gasp as he enters me fully, it's like he's really inside me touching what never was touched. I thrust my hips upward, wanting him to move and he slides slowly in and out, kissing my neck as he slowly moves inside me.

"This is so good." I moan and he shuts me up with a kiss, he moves with me perfectly, pulling out slowly as he looks deeply in my eyes and I swear he can see my soul and buries himself deep in me again. He kisses me and I return the kiss, his tongue slipping in my mouth.

I lose myself in the rhythm, as he kisses my shoulder, lips and neck. I arch my back almost unnaturally. He increases his pace moving quicker, more aggressively. I feel the familiar sensation and I'm exploding for the second time today and it feels amazing to feel me becoming a woman again. He stiffens and I know that he came too, Elijah pulls out and takes the condom out and throws it on the floor.

"This was amazing." Elijah says and I wrap my hands around his stomach, my head is on his chest and I feel his heartbeat.

"It was." I say and fall asleep.

* * *

I hear a familiar melody . Is that my phone? I open my eyes lazily and Elijah's hand is wrapped around my waste, I look for my phone and I can see it on the floor. I escape from his grasp and head towards it. I stumble and I feel still dizzy from all the wine I drank last night, I pick the phone up and I almost have a heart attack. It's Christian.

* * *

_**As school is starting soon, I won't update as frequently. It's my last year so it is kind of important to me. So follow me on twitter to get the news on my story and days of when I'm going to update. I'm still looking for a beta! Please PM me if you're interested.**_

_** /Dem567 **_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

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I pick the phone up with my shaky hands, I don't think I can hear the ring anymore because my heart is beating so loudly. I curse myself for drinking all of the wine, what mother gets this drunk on wine? I press the answer button and wait for Christian to talk.

"Anastasia?" He says, he doesn't sound worried. Maybe I'm overreacting.

"Is Teddy okay?" I ask him, please let him be fine.

"I think you should pick him up." Christian says slowly, almost regretfully.

" . ?" I almost scream, saying every word clearly.

"He's fine, but he won't go to sleep and Rebecca is getting frustrated. He wants you, I thought that this would work but it doesn't." I almost feel sad for the man who broke my heart.

"I'll be there." Of course I will be here, I would run to the other side of the world for Teddy. "I'm sorry." I find myself saying and hung up the phone.

I stumble back to the bed and look at the clock, it's two am in the morning. Why the hell didn't Christian call me earlier? I look at Elijah who is sleeping peacefully, he didn't drink as much maybe he could drive me to Christians house.

"Elijah." I whisper, caressing his cheek softly. I have to try it few more times before I get a reaction.

"It's too early." He moans and I laugh as he hides himself.

"I need to pick Teddy up but I'm still dizzy from all the wine, I don't want to risk it, could you drive me?" I ask, remembering that I don't have time to play around with him even if I want to.

"Of course, is he okay?" He questions, looking concerned and if he isn't concerned then he has to be a damn good actor.

"Christian is having few problems with him." I answer, Elijah gets out of bed after he places a tender kiss on my lips to get dressed and I do the same. After about fifteen minutes we're ready and Christian texts me his new address.

"We're here." I say after a long drive, we stop at a brown bricked house and it 'screams' Christian.

"This is a nice house." Elijah comments, we stop next to other cars that are in front of the entry and I think I can see Taylor already wait for me.

"I'm going to be back in few minutes, I need to get Teddy and we can head back." I kiss his cheek and get out of the car, I try to walk slowly and look like I haven't drank at all.

"Miss Steele." Taylor greets me and I smile at him.

"How are you, Jason?" I ask as we walk into the house, I look at the furniture, everything looks expensive and I would be scared to touch half of the things in here.

"I'm good. Let me get Mr. Grey for you." He says, walking away from me and I'm left alone.

I hear cries of my baby boy and I feel like I could break the walls to find my son, I walk towards the sound of my son.

"I don't like strangers walking around my home." A voice behind me says, I turn around and see a red haired woman who is staring at me with anger.

"I don't like hearing my child cry." I bite back, looking at the woman who stole my husband from me.

"You should have asked someone to escort you." She says, "Follow me." I do as she says and we walk in Teddy's room. Christian is swaying him side to side and whispering but he won't stop crying.

"Give him to me." I tell him and he turns around, he looks at me and then Rebecca. Christian walks towards me and passes Teddy to me.

"Shh baby boy." I say into his ear and he stops crying but is still shaking uncontrollably.

"I think this is it, I should be heading back." I say and turn around, walk slowly, I remind myself.

"Do you want me to take him to your car?" Christian asks, I turn around to look at him and he is holding Rebecca's hand. This is hurting me way more than it should, Rebecca is still staring at me cautiously like afraid I'm going to take Christian away from her.

"I think I'm going to be okay." I say, it isn't the first time I see them together but it really hurts. Christian is looking at her with so much love and I hope that he loved me at least half as much as he loves her.

"Are you drunk?" He asks me, shit. He noticed, he lets go of Rebecca's hand and walks towards me, "Are you crazy? Did you think I wouldn't notice, are you trying to kill Teddy and yourself?" He says furiously, does he really think I would try to hurt my son.

"Do you really think I would drive myself while I'm drunk?" I ask, "Do you really think that I would risk my son's life?"

"Do you want me to call taxi?" Rebecca asks, she obviously does think that I would hurt my son.

"I don't want you to do anything." I say raising my voice, "I have a ride and he will take me home."

"I just wanted to help."

"I think you done enough." I snapped, I could kill that bitch with my bare hands.

"Let me take him, you can barely walk by yourself." Christian says, I'm surprised that he doesn't have anything to say. I give him Teddy and his eyes are wide open again, he looks at me and I want to rip him out of the cheating bastard's hands.

We walk back and see that Rebecca isn't following us, this is the most time I have spent with Christian after divorce.

"I can walk by myself." I spoke, "You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt Teddy."

"I know that, I just want to see that you will be okay. This is hard for you, I understand." His words make my stare at him, this isn't hard for me, and this hurts like hell. Every time I look at Christian I remember our old life.

"I don't think you should walk me to the car." I say, what the hell am I doing? I should shove it in his face that I'm actually trying to move on; I should show him that I am happy without him.

"Why?" He asks me and stop, I don't have an answer for him. I don't want to give him the answer. I look at the car where Elijah is sitting waiting for me and the door opens. He steps out and I look at Christian who looks shocked.

"I met someone..." I begin, I don't know why am trying to explain it to him. It's not like I'm doing something wrong. "He's good with Teddy and he's helping me."

"You don't have to say anything, I hurt you. I understand." He assured me and kept walking.

"Don't ruin it for me." I whisper, "I deserve happiness too."

* * *

I hope you like this chapter, follow me on twitter to know when I'm updating as I'm back to school.

Dem567


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

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_**I didn't think I would write this chapter this fast but I wanted to get this chapter out so I could go back to Ana's POV, this chapter doesn't say a lot about Christian's life but a lot reviewers wanted to see his life. This is just a short chapter with a bit of Rebecca and Christian in it. I wouldn't read to much into this. **_

_**I also would like to say that I am not like Rebecca, for some reason you people think that I break family's apart and I'm so against it real life. I know people cheat but I don't, **_

* * *

"Don't ruin it for me." She whispers, "I deserve happiness too."

"I know you do." I agree, of course she deserves happiness after everything I done to her.

We walk to the black car, the man is looking at intensely and I also tense up. I shouldn't be surprised that Anastasia has found someone else, someone that will love her.

"Let's meet your man." I say sarcastically and Ana snorts at my comment.

"Sorry I took so long." Ana apologises like it's her fault, her... friend just smiles.

"I'm Christian."

"Elijah." He tells me and we shake hands. He looks like a normal type of person, I wonder if he is living with Ana. It's only been few months since our divorce, could she move on this fast?

"I think we should go, Teddy is tired he needs his sleep." Ana says, she is looking nervous. I would be nervous too if I would have to meet someone like me.

Elijah opens the door for Ana, who sits and then I pass Teddy to him, he puts my son into his baby seat and Ana is looking at Elijah with adoration. My heart clenches and I have to remind myself that I chose this.

"Have a safe ride." I decide to say, there is nothing else that I can say. I turn around without a second glance and walk towards the door.

Not seeing Teddy is harder than I thought it would be, he means everything to me but I just can't separate him from Ana. It's like he doesn't trust me, I know he can sense that I hurt his mother and maybe it's the price that I have to pay.

I walk into the house and pour a glass of whisky; I hope that it will numb the pain that I feel for my son. Rebecca is sitting on the couch, I stroll towards her and sit next to her.

"I'm sorry." She begins, "I know you were looking forward to spending time with him." I only nod my head and she holds my hand.

"It's my fault. He probably forgot me, I was so busy with you. I didn't even have time for my own son." I stammer, that poor child must think that I'm a stranger.

"Are you blaming me?" Rebecca squeaks out, she's looking at me with her sad brown eyes and I immediately feel sorry.

"It's my fault." I tell her after few seconds of silence, "When I left Anastasia, I left Teddy too. Kids they feel things. I should have remembered that I'm a parent too, a child always comes first."

"What do you mean?" She asks.

"I will have to spend more time with Teddy, it isn't because I don't care about you or because you don't mean anything. He's my son, Rebecca, you have to understand that. Whatever I feel for you, I love him more than anything." I say softly, "You changed me; I changed back to the horrible person that I was. I hurt Anastasia badly for you, she didn't deserve it."

"Are you breaking up with me?" She exclaims and jumps of the couch.

"No, I'm just telling you that Teddy comes first."

"You will hurt Ana by spending more time with Teddy, she's all alone. She only has him." Would I really hurt Ana by spending more time with my son?

"Ana knows that Teddy should know his father too, we had a rough day today. Let's go to bed." I grab her hand and lead her to our bedroom, "She's not alone, you know. She found someone too." I announce and I look at Rebecca who is frowning.

"I hope he makes her happy, I feel guilty for hurting her too. I'm not a home wrecker; I just couldn't stay away from you."

"I know." I tell her but I somehow don't believe her, I took part in it but she keeps pushing me away from my own family.

We get ready for bed and Rebecca fell asleep fast, I look at the ceiling and try to remember what life with Anastasia was like. How happy we were before I met Rebecca, my life with Rebecca is amazing too but I just can't wonder what would have happened if I had chosen Ana. Would she forgive me for cheating on her?

I miss everyone and I miss my family, family is a team and we should stick together no matter what. My mother barely talks to me, my father took the news lighter but he doesn't talk to me a lot either. It hurts to think about the life with Ana, it reminds me of what I have lost but I shouldn't regret my choices. I can't change them not now, not ever.

I'm Christian Grey and I won't show them my weakness, I will be okay without them and they will have to forgive me sooner or later. It's not like Ana is their daughter, they should stick with me no matter my decisions, even if I am wrong.

Tomorrow is a new day, a new day with Rebecca. I look at her and wrap my hand around her small waist, pulling her closer to me and I kiss her red hair.

"Goodnight baby." I whisper.

* * *

_**I might update next week but on my twitter you will always see little sneak peeks of chapters. **_

_**Dem567**_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

* * *

_I look at the papers that are on my desk and I feel like throwing all of them off, it's five in the afternoon and I'm waiting for my last appointment. Anastasia will kill me if I won't be back home till eight. Teddy isn't sleeping so well at nights and I'm feeling exhausted, there used to be days when I would only needed three hours of sleep and now I'm craving it. I guess this is what parenthood does but I wouldn't change it. _

_There's a knock on my office door and I guess the five o'clock appointment is here. _

"_Come in." I say and the door opens revealing a woman with red hair which is in a ponytail, she looks at me with scared brown eyes and I can't help but smile. _

"_Please take a seat." I tell her and she walks towards the chair, she's nothing like other woman that comes to job interviews. She's wearing a simple white dress with daisies and yellow flats. _

"_You're here for the job interview? Am I right?" I ask her, of course I'm right. _

"_Yes." She shifts uncomfortably, "I was here last week and had one with Andrea, and she said that you want to meet with me too." _

"_Of course." I look at the papers that she gave me, she has a potential to work here. _

"_I don't have a lot of experience, I was hoping that I would get some here. I know I could make this place better." She tells me and I nod, without looking at her. _

"_You won't have anything to change Miss Morris; you will be my personal assistants, assistant." I bluntly tell her, I shouldn't get her hopes up. _

"_Of course, I understand Mr Grey." She looks down and I stare at her, I shouldn't be attracted to her but she's just too pretty. She isn't even my type, "So do I get the job?" No, my mind screams. She is no good. _

"_I will get back to you; it was nice meeting you Miss Morris." I say politely, stand up and shake her soft hand. I stare at her tight ass as she walks to the door, the door closes and I slap myself. What the hell is wrong with you, Grey?_

* * *

I wake myself up from the old memory that seems that happened only few weeks ago, I remember seeing the scared creature in my office like it happened seconds ago. She was scared of me and now only few months later she's living with me. I never imagined that my life would turn around all 360 degrees.

My mother is throwing Teddy a birthday party at her house next week and I'm nervous about it, she invited me and Rebecca just because Teddy is my son and I shouldn't miss his birthday because 'I'm out of my mind' her words, not mine.

I of course would never miss my son's first birthday, Rebecca did meet my parents only few weeks after my divorce and they don't really like her. I think they actually hate her so that will be fun, not only Anastasia will be there to throw daggers at her but so will be my family. I want to make her feel as comfortable as I can; they are her family too now.

* * *

_I'm taking Rebecca to meet my parent's today, my mother said to come on my own so that we could talk but I want to surprise her with the new addition to the family, of course no one is kicking Anastasia out but I want Rebecca and my mum to be good friends too. _

"_Do you think they will like me?" Rebecca asks and I nod, I kiss her cheek._

"_They will love you sweetheart." I say without a doubt, my mum wants the best for me and I honestly believe that Rebecca is it for me. _

"_I broke your family Christian; they won't see that I'm making you happy." _

"_Everything will be okay." I caress her hand, "Don't worry." I look through the window as Taylor drives us to my parents house, we will be early I guess. _

"_This is nice." Her eyes are wide open and I smile, "You had a great childhood, I bet." _

"_It was okay." I say, I still didn't find the courage to tell her about my lifestyle. I know I should tell her as soon as I can or she will run away from me if she hears it from somebody else. _

_The car stops and I open the door to climb out and help Rebecca out, her hands are shaking. _

"_Stop worrying." I give her an encouraging smile, we walk to the house and knock on the door. The door opens and my mum gasps when she looks at Rebecca. _

"_What is she doing here?" My mother's eyes are wide open as she spits the words out like poison. _

"_It was time to meet my girlfriend, mother this is Rebecca. Rebecca this is my mother, Grace." I introduce them, "Can we come in?" _

"_Are you even thinking?" My mother snarled, "Do you even have any brains left in your head?" She looks angry right now, I turn to look at Rebecca who is looking startled. My mum never gets this angry, she always holds herself together. _

"_Can we just come in?" I ask again, she turns around and goes into the house. I take it as an invitation and walk in, grabbing Rebecca's hand and pulling her in the house too._

"_I think I should wait in the car." She whispers to me but I'm not the only person that hears it._

"_You shouldn't even be here." My mother says. _

"_Mother please." I beg with my eyes. _

"_You have no right to take her here, this is not a place for her Christian. I thought I made it clear." She barks. _

"_You don't even know her." _

"_I think I know enough, she broke your marriage. Did you even go and see Teddy? You are his father and you don't act like one. Poor Anastasia is on her own, broken and with a child on her hands." She almost shouts. _

"_I see my son enough." I've seen him once or twice; I know it hurts Ana to see me so I should just leave them alone for some time. _

"_You started lying too. I don't even know you anymore, son." She says, I see disappointment in her eyes and it breaks my heart, "Me and your father didn't raise you this way."_

"_No, you taught me to go for what I want." I say, "I love her, mom."_

"_I will never accept someone that broke a happy family." My mum says sadly, "I think you should go." _

_I can't believe her words, I see tears in her eyes and I almost feel guilty for hurting Ana. I now understand that I didn't just hurt her, I hurt everyone else too._

"_Be safe, Christian." My mother tells me, "Call me when you sort your life out."_

_With that I and Rebecca walk out of my childhood home, "I'm sorry." Rebecca whispers, my heart hurts and I feel like I was punched repeatedly into my stomach. I take a deep breath and keep walking, my mother is just hurt. She will get over it and will see that Rebecca is a wonderful person and will fall in love with her too._

* * *

Follow me on twitter- Dem567


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

* * *

I walk into the well known house, one that I visit too often now. The house is full of balloons and Teddy's name is all over the place. I have a feeling that Teddy will have so much fun today, this is the first time that all of the family and friends will get together after my and Christian's divorce.

We all decided to at least be civil with each other, I know that Christian will be bringing Rebecca and Elijah is coming with me, I'm actually nervous about it, I really want Grace to accept him. I hope that Teddy's first birthday won't be a total disaster with us here.

"Wow." Elijah says and I laugh, "A lot of blue." He adds I nod.

"Teddy loves it." I comment, Elijah is holding Teddy and he is staring at everything. He points at stuff with his little finger and giggles to himself.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to be here? We could throw Teddy his own little party, I don't want to intrude." Elijah asks, I have told him about a million times today that Grace said that he can come and that she can't wait to meet him.

"It's okay, really. Grace wants to meet you; I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't sure about it."

"Ana, darling!" Grace says, hurriedly walking towards us and I smile as she hugs me. She looks at Elijah, "You must be Elijah, I heard a lot about you."

"Only good I hope." Eli says sweetly, "It's wonderful to meet you too."

"Of course, Ana has been talking about you non-stop for the last few weeks." Grace says and I blush, I want to hide myself now.

"Don't be embarrassed, love." Elijah noticed my embarrassment, which makes me want to run. He calls me 'love but I never would of thought he would call me that in front of Grace, who is also my ex husbands mother "I talk about you to my family too."

"I will leave you here, guests should be coming soon. We're putting Teddy's presents in Mia's old room." Grace says, she turns around and starts barking instructions and I can't help but laugh. She's never this stressed out about her parties. Christian and his date are probably stressing her out too much; this shouldn't be put on her shoulders.

"She seems nice." Elijah says and I nod, of course Grace is nice. Even after I had a divorce with her son she is still like a second mother to me.

"She's lovely." I agree, "Her children are very lucky to have her. I'm lucky to have her."

"Yes you are." He tells me and kisses my cheek, Teddy giggles at the affection that Elijah shows me and points his little hands at me.

"Ma-ma." He says giggling at himself, "Up." I take him from Elijah and kiss his chubby cheek.

"It's your birthday darling, you're getting so big." I say in my childish voice, tickling his sides.

"Ma-ma." He giggles again and I nod, swaying him from side to side.

"I think we should sit down, I won't get another chance when everyone will be here." I don't know how many people Grace has invited but I know everyone will want to meet Elijah and spend time with Teddy, this party will be busy.

"Of course, when is Christian coming?" Eli asks, I try to remember the time he told us he will be here but it has disappeared from my head.

"I'm not sure; he should be here soon though." I say, "He's always early but I thought he would never cheat on me, things change." I shrug my shoulders.

"I know how hard it is for you to be here, I still don't think it was good idea for Mrs Grey to invite Rebecca."Grace didn't want to invite Rebecca but we all know that Christian wouldn't show up without her, not wanting her to feel 'pushed away' from all the family stuff.

"It's not fair to put Grace in the middle of this."

"I just don't want you to see you hurt; I know that it still hurts you to see him with her. I'm okay with it; you can't just forget someone you love in few months. It takes time to heal." Elijah tells me softly, when I start to think that I can't like him anymore he says something like this and he just warms my broken heart once again.

We walk to the living room and sit on the couch, everything is covered with blue decoration and I know we all will have fun cleaning up tomorrow.

"Hey, do you know if Sawyer is still in his car? I haven't seen him." I ask Elijah, ever since Sawyer started working for me everything got easier I suddenly had two men to help me with Teddy and Sawyer helped me to get some staff for my publishing company.

"No, he came in while you were talking to Mrs Grey." He answers, "Should I call her Mrs Grey or Grace?"

"I'm sure she will be fine with you calling her Grace." I tell him, I don't want to hear 'Mrs Grey' more than I have to.

"Anastasia Grey, it sounds good." He blurs out unexpectedly and my eyes are wide open, he never said it before and he knew that I was Mrs Grey," I still think Anastasia Steele sounds better." He says kissing my lips; I slowly let his tongue in my mouth as out tongues get into a battle again.

"Dada." Teddy lets himself known again, he never said 'dada' before and I'm in shock. I see Christian and Rebecca and relax, I don't know what Christian would do if he called someone else 'dada'.

"Here's my big boy." Christian says, Rebecca follows him and Teddy is still looking at Elijah. He picks Teddy from my hands and gives him a cuddle, I see Theodore pushing him away with his little hands as he turns to face me and Elijah again.

"Dada." He shrieked out, my heart is stopping and I don't know what to do when he points his little hands towards Elijah.

"No,Teddy." I hear Elijah say, my heart is still racing, "I'm not your dada." He tells Teddy.

Christian is pale and I know he will burst out in a minute, he's looking at Teddy with shock and Rebecca is just standing quietly behind him without any emotions.

"He's a child, they get mixed up easily." Christian shrugs, "I'm your daddy, Teddy." He says slowly, when Theodore finally turns around and stops moving in his hands.

"Na, dada." Teddy shakes his head from side to side and points at Elijah.

"You're late." Grace announces herself, saving us from the catastrophe.

"I'm sorry, I was busy in the office and then Rebecca was having troubles with dressing up." He apologises and Rebecca is blushing, he could have gotten a better excuse or no excuse at all, we all know they were fucking like rabbits and he doesn't even hide it.

* * *

I used to dream about Teddy's first birthday, I thought that by then me and Christian would have another baby, a girl. Things change though, dreams change and so do people.

"What are you doing here?" I hear his voice behind me, I don't turn around. I don't even know what I'm doing in his old room, feeling sorry for myself once again.

"I needed some space, where's Teddy?"I sigh; I will honestly flip if he has left him with Rebecca.

"My mother has him, she made me look for you." He tells me, "We should go back to the party."

"I told you I need some space." I say again, "What don't you understand in that?"

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks, is he stupid or something? Doesn't he know that I want nothing to do with him?

"Does it look like I want to talk to you?" I burst out, "What the hell is wrong with you? You cheated on me with some cheap whore and then after few months you ask me if I want to talk about it. Are you stupid?" I almost scream at him.

"I guess I deserve it." He mutters, "I'm sorry for hurting you, Ana."

"Sorry, sorry, sorry." I repeat, "All I hear is sorry from you, do you even mean it?"

"Of course I do, I shouldn't have cheated on you. I should have been stronger and just got rid of her but I didn't because I'm weak and insecure. I knew that she wouldn't leave me but you would so I chose her because it easier to be with her than to love you." He snaps, I turn around and look at his crystal grey eyes and my heart is breaking.

"You chose her because it was too hard to love me?" I ask, "I knew you were cheating on me before you answered that call from me. I chose to stay with you even if it was hard for me to love you, but I still stayed because I loved you." I tell him, he probably didn't know that. He came after work smelling like cheap perfume, I knew it wasn't mine but then I found lipstick stains on his shirt and knew that it couldn't be me.

"You're stronger than me; you're not fifty shades of fucked up. You had a good life and loving start right from the beginning. My mother broke me." Here he is again, blaming his biological mother again, it's getting old.

"And you broke me." I tell him, tears flowing from my eyes, "I have an amazing man waiting for me downstairs but I'm crying in your room like a pathetic teenager because my heart aches so much I can't even look at you without thinking it will break."

"Then you have to learn to love him, I'm no good for you. You have to heal and you will, after a while I will be just a bad memory." He says, coming closer to me, whipping my tears away with his thumb but more just come out.

"I tried, don't you think I did?" I ask him, "I tried and tried, time after time and I know he is perfect for me but I crave for you. He's no you." _What are you doing, Ana? What the hell are you saying, put the wall back up and get the hell out of the room._

I stand up and I should just do what my brains are telling me to do but I can't, my legs are stuck on the floor as I'm staring at Christian.

"We can't do this." Christian tells me, "I can't keep hurting you, you need space from me."

"I need you." I scream and he hugs me, I'm taken back but quickly recover and hug him back. Breathing his scent in and I break down once again, in his arms, "Why did you have to break my heart?"

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry." He whispers into my hair, "There no excuses for my actions but I'm sorry and I want you to know that I will suffer for it till I die and even after that." He caresses my back and I take deep breaths in and we both sit on his bed.

"The night I got your call, I knew I couldn't be doing this to you so I picked up to make you leave me." He starts, I knew he wasn't this stupid to pick the phone up while he was fucking his whore, "Gail told me that you were packing and I went on the plane as soon I could, you don't know how surprised I was when I found you in our room." He stops talking and looks at me; he is still holding my hand.

"I was ready to beg for your forgiveness but I stopped, I knew you deserved better than a cheater and told you that I choose Rebecca because I didn't have the right to bring you down. To remind you that I cheated on you time after time with her."

"So you thought that choosing her is better for me?"

"I knew it wouldn't hurt you as much as it would if you stayed with me so I gave you space, I didn't spend time with Theodore as much I wanted to give you a chance to get over me without me being in the picture." He explains, why he didn't tell me this sooner?

"Why are you telling me this today? Why not 7 months ago?" I ask.

"Because today I realised what I lost, Teddy thinks that Elijah is his father and it broke me. I know I want you to be happy but I never thought it would hurt me that much. I'm being selfish, I know that but I just can't stand him being with you."

"It doesn't change anything, you will go home with Rebecca and Elijah will still be with me." I tell him, does he think that he can just tell me some excuses and I will run back to him.

"I know that, I just wanted you to know that I didn't change. I'm still the same Christian and you can talk to me and you can ask me for help because I will do anything for you."

"I don't think Rebecca will like that, I know that Elijah will hate it."

"Rebecca doesn't like a lot of things and she still chooses to stay with me." He smirks, "I love you Ana, no one will be more important than you and Teddy."

"I think we should pretend that this conversation didn't happen." I decide, "It will be better for me, you can't expect me to hear these things and be okay with them."

"I just want you to be happy, all I ever wanted is for you to be happy and if it is Elijah that makes you happy. Be it." Christian shrugs; I stare at him and smile. Who would have thought that Teddy's birthday would answer so many questions?

"I hope she makes you happy." I lie, I hope she makes him miserable and breaks him like broke me even if he is feeling sorry for cheating on me it doesn't change anything.

"Do you want to know anything else?" He asks me, do I want to hear about him and Rebecca? No.

"Do you let her do things that I did to you?" I ask quietly, why didn't I just ask him if he lets her touch her?

"No." He says, "Now, wipe them tears away and let's go back to the party."

"I will be there in few minutes, you can go." I want to put my thoughts into places and think about my next step, do I get my husband back or do I look for someone new?

He nods and walks through the door, closing the door behind him

* * *

_**Idk, I don't really like this and Ana's talk is so much different than it should have been and blaming Lana Del Rey and her Born To Die Paradise Edition album. She makes me emotional. I really didn't want to push updating to next week again so I'm just uploading it. Hope you still like it and before you all jump on me, no CHRISTIAN AND ANA will not get back together now. She's not that stupid but I think she deserves to get some answers and Christian needs to open up. **_

_For the anonymous reviewer that said that I don't update as much as I should and neither does other fanfiction writers and wants to give up on FF- I personally have a life and can't afford to spend writing 24/7. Exams are in few months and if I won't pass these you wont hear from me for another six months while I study to re-sit them. Writing isn't my job, I don't get pain and other FF authors don't get either. _

_**Follow me on twitter Dem567**_


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